Day 132-137: Talk To Jesus
It’s been 6 days now that I haven’t posted but lots of things going on right now. I love this time of year! So far I have planted flowers, spent 3 days with my daughter, son in law, and grandchildren.
Life always has its ups and downs. But I have been feeling like a Peachtree planted in the middle of a lemon orchard!
O how God loves to make me use my heart to figure things out. No day is ever the same, for me right now. I never know how I’m going to wake up, and how my day will progress. But smack dab in the middle of it all I slow down and talk with Jesus.
He shows me many things, and helps me make it through the struggle. Iron may sharpen iron. But it’s all in the fruit at the end of the day.
Tomorrow I will take my 24th shot
that’s halfway through my HCV treatment. 24 more and I will beat the odds, I will as always persevere!
Tonight’s video is just a reminder for where I was, to how I made it to where I am today.
Fly as high as an Eagle, on the winds of Gods angels RJ Da Warrior
Day 131: No Emotions
Day 131: No Emotions
Day 131, Today I have no emotions, but that’s ok…. I feel sorta numb really, my day consisted of a very dear friend stopping by for a visit. And I locked myself out of my house, which I do frequently. Thank goodness Sheila had my spare, going to have to get creative and start hiding it out side. Other than that I don’t really feel much. Im not depressed, sad or sick, I just have no emotions right now, It’s like I’m numb. I have lots to think about, but would rather not deal with anything right now. There are some great people in the world but I have retracted back to the old Rita, I just don’t trust but a rare few people any more. And NO I’m not looking for sympathy, nor am I feeling sorry for myself. It just is what it is.
RJ Da Warrior…Just Breath…
Tonight’s video is another great memory of my Dad-E and me singing in the pitch black darkness deep in the cavity of the mountain mining uranium, smoking roll your own cigarettes. and weed. I’m not sure why he is so heavy on my mind lately… Guess it just feels good to remember there was times that life was really worth living.
Like this:
Day 130 : I Think ;)
Day 130 :. I think lol
Day 130 : I Think ;)
Day 130: I think 
it has been a couch day for the most part. Groomed my dog today, she did superior, I’m pretty sure she was enjoying it 
. Wore me out though.
Night peeps looking forward to tomorrow RJ Da Warrior
Tonight’s video is from me to my Savior
Like this:
Day 129: It Was A Good Day :)
Day 129: It Was A Good Day :)
Day 129: Well I have nothing to complain about; today was a good day. I told both my Doctors I was quitting the treatment and they paid no attention to me like always! Really they would have heart failure if I didn’t tell them I wanted to quit at least once a month.
Talked with a lot of people, that I had set aside for a while, they all knew why, and understood as always.
I am looking forward to this next season, as it looks to be very promising, and rewarding. Details will follow at a later time, but I promise it will as always shock the socks right off your feet 
Today was my daughter’s 37th Birthday, Damn she’s getting old! I am so proud of her accomplishments, there are so many children out there that will never have the opportunity to be a normal child. Any how’s ~ it got me remembering about my Step Dad Krabbe. He has passed on from this world, But he is never far nor forgotten. By the way you owe me money still dad! You bet me a million dollars I would die before you.
Dad was a hard rock minor, that leased uranium mines and worked for himself, figured he had enough kids he didn’t need to hire any help. most people who knew him had no Idea he could sing. But one day we were deep in the mine, and we turned the lights off on our hard hats and sat in the pitch black darkness. We did that a lot, as it was very serene in there, and I had no fear. I pulled out a dobbie, and he rolled us both a cigarette from the Prince Albert can. He shared his stories, and I would sit and drive him crazy with all my questions.Then one special day Dad started to sing. there was no instruments, just his voice in the darkness remastering an amazing echo down the byways. This was and will forever be the most amazing time ever.
In fact, it is my fondest memory of our time spent together! You don’t have to like it , and you don’t have to try to understand it, or condemn it. That’s just the way life was, and I would never trade that moment for all the money he owes me.;) Love you Dad- E!!! tonight’s video is one of my many great memories, and our song. This ones for you Dad
Come drive me down to the central station
I hate to leave my river tyne
For some damn town that’s god-forsaken
Fare thee well, northumberland
Although i’ll go where the lady takes me
She’ll never tell what’s in her hand
I do not know what fate awaits me
Fare thee well, northumberland
My heart beats for my streets and alleys
Longs to dwell in the borderlands
The north-east shore and the river valleys
Fare thee well northumberland
I may not stay, i’m bound for leaving
I’m bound to ramble and to roam
I only say my heart is grieving
I would not gamble on my coming home
Roll on, geordie boy, roll
Roll on, geordie boy, roll
Roll on, geordie boy, roll
Roll on, geordie boy, roll
So drive me down to the central station
I hate to leave my river tyne
For some damn town that’s god-forsaken
Goodbye old friend of mine
Although i’ll go where the lady takes me
She’ll never tell what’s in her hand
I do not know what fate awaits me
Fare thee well, northumberland
So roll on, geordie boy, roll
Roll on, geordie boy, roll
Roll on, geordie boy, roll
Roll on, geordie boy, roll
Like this:
Day 123 – 128: It’s Been 5 Days Since My Last Post! This Is Called The End Of The Human Support Team
Day 123 – 128: It’s Been 5 Days Since My Last Post! This Is Called The End Of The Human Support Team
Day 123 – 128: The End Of The Human Support Team. This has been coming on for a few weeks now, and I knew it but all things must be in Gods timing. Everyone in my support team has walked out, just like I told them they all would. I gave plenty of notice, I told everyone how ugly it gets. But did they believe me…..NOPE This is the final conversation with the last human, who promised to be there through thick and thin. I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea, I am just being honest like always what it is like to be on this end of the treatment.
Today this was the text conversation between the last human on the support team, and me:
Me~Called both Doctors this morning I’m stopping the treatment. I have no life, or friends, or church any more. It’s just me and I can’t take it any more. I do t have a support team. Sure god always find a way for me but why should he have to? I had a plan the plan failed. So it’s time to be done with it. I am having more and more panic attacks. Thoughts of hurting others who piss me off which seems to be just about everyone. I never know how I’m going to feel through the day. And how long it will last! I don’t even know if I can make it to your party! I’m tired I’m unhappy and I don’t want to do this any more. I would be better off dead! That’s how I feel anyways is dead! Sent from my Windows Phone~my responce
Her~don’t know what 2 say. u often want to quit on wed cause tues sux. Sorry u are suffering my friend. Sheila Weaver~responce Sent from my Windows Phone
Me~Every day is a challenge, It’s just not worth it any more. How often do we even visit any more? Texting doesn’t count! Sent from my Windows Phone~my responce
Her~I sorry. Sheila Weaver~responce Sent from my Windows Phone
Me~I knew from the start you and Martha wouldn’t be able to handle it. That’s why I had Jenny and Dennis. I also knew Dennis would fail, God showed me he would. But I had to add him, you know what I’m talking about. Look what you deal with every day. I couldn’t do it, that’s why I live alone. I can’t even get through chemo alone. Well I can, I just don’t want the fight everyday any more. If God gave me the choice between your daily life, or mine. I’d pick mine hands down! The only one I have to keep happy is me. Sent from my Windows Phone~my responce
Sent from my Windows Phone~my responce
Her~Still speechless. Wish i more help. Sheila Weaver~responce Sent from my Windows Phone
Me~You are my friend, that’s all you need to be, however that works out for you. I know Martha told you that you need to back off and take care of yourself and your own family. I don’t blame her, its hard. If it was Martha going through this you all would find a way to get through it. That’s what family does. I am in the same spot as you. I have to figure out how to make everything ok for everyone else and figure out how to take care of me and Scarlett at the same time. I am even thinking about putting her down. This isn’t fair to her either. Sent from my Windows Phone~my responce
Her~This will probly make u angry but has to b said. I intended to support & encourage u thru this treatment. Sheila Weaver~responceSent from my Windows Phone
Her~Instead i have been drawn so deeply into your pain & dispair that i am of no use anymore. I dont have the strength to fight the darkness. Sheila Weaver~responce Sent from my Windows Phone
Me~I don’t know why you think I would get angry. There are very few in this world strong enough to fight the darkness. I was born for it, and im ok with that! To know God loves me so much that he believes so strongly in the heart He gave me brings me nothing short of humility.
I am however glad you found the strength to tell me… I am not angry, nor would I ever be. Surely out of everyone you would know this does not take me nor God by surprise. I love you as I have always, you will forever be remembered as a light in my time here. I was blessed beyond anything I thought possible to have the pleasure of meeting you. I pray nothing but peace joy love and happiness. But more than anything I pray God gives you light.
You are no longer obligated to participate in my treatment. And I will no longer call you, with my issues. I just thought we were friends. And I could vent my feelings is all. I will call and have you released from the medical records. I am 53 and have survived, far darker times then this. I’m not stupid, just medicated. I know how to dial 911. And the crisis hot line is on speed dial
I will fight this battle, as long as God has and wants me to. Not a second more or less. I love him even in the worst of times, he is my deliverer and strength, and I have the honor of being his Pearl.
Love and Peace to you and those you love. And CONGRATS on finishing school with Honors. I hope with all my heart you will find the perfect position you worked so hard for.
You my friend will be missed. And God knows this shatters an already shattered heart. But He holds every tiny piece. Nothing is ever lost, He sees, and knows everything. Sent from my Windows Phone~my response
I am however glad you found the strength to tell me… I am not angry, nor would I ever be. Surely out of everyone you would know this does not take me nor God by surprise. I love you as I have always, you will forever be remembered as a light in my time here. I was blessed beyond anything I thought possible to have the pleasure of meeting you. I pray nothing but peace joy love and happiness. But more than anything I pray God gives you light.
You are no longer obligated to participate in my treatment. And I will no longer call you, with my issues. I just thought we were friends. And I could vent my feelings is all. I will call and have you released from the medical records. I am 53 and have survived, far darker times then this. I’m not stupid, just medicated. I know how to dial 911. And the crisis hot line is on speed dial
I will fight this battle, as long as God has and wants me to. Not a second more or less. I love him even in the worst of times, he is my deliverer and strength, and I have the honor of being his Pearl.
Love and Peace to you and those you love. And CONGRATS on finishing school with Honors. I hope with all my heart you will find the perfect position you worked so hard for.
You my friend will be missed. And God knows this shatters an already shattered heart. But He holds every tiny piece. Nothing is ever lost, He sees, and knows everything. Sent from my Windows Phone~my response
This is the outcome of many who go through the HCV treatment. The only one to count on is GOD and what he want’s for you to learn, and teach through the process.
The human side is always the hardest because you always end up loosing friends, or one’s you thought were friends, and ones, who think they are smarter than God. For myself it is losing the friends that hurts. But God never leaves me, and let me tell ya I am grateful for that. If he wasnt in control of all this I would have Kicked several people asses! Killed myself, probably not, I wouldn’t kill myself for anyone or any reason. But I would knock the shit out of a lot of people, and enjoy it! But after my mood would change, I would be sorry for hurting another. SO that is why I haven’t done it. I couldn’t imagine my Heavenly Fathers face if I did that to someone at this stage of the game.
Now lets see what happens with God in complete control, although he has always been in complete control, I mean just Him and I. Don’t be fooled I pester Him a lot to let me stop! So far it’s his way, He has a purpose he might tell what it is and then again he might not. That’s what makes Him so special to me, He is unpredictable. Not anything like humans! I wish I didn’t have to live in a world full of humans, I would rather live as Adam, alone except God, his son, and the animals! Now that would be living!!!
May you fly as high as an Eagle in the winds of God’s angels, RJ Da Warrior
Todays song is how I make it through each day
